Schumacher sacked and Minardi going for glory - the CRAZY and insane world of the cult classic F1 Manager game

The new F1 Manager game is just about upon us, and for any budding team principal out there the chances are there will be enough to satisfy those who have been eagerly waiting an update from last year’s version.

For some though there will always be the real King of management sims – namely the timeless classic that EA Sports tossed into the market in 2000 and then almost immediately washed their hands of it.

There is a good reason for that too. It’s an incredibly awful game beyond your wildest imagination.

If I’m being kind, it’s simply not finished. It appears to have been rushed to publication, run out of budget or just abandoned like a Vietnam Grand Prix track.

There is so much wrong with this game it’s hard to know where to begin going through its quirky glitches, spectacular design failures, illogical progression and random catastrophic AI.

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Give it a chance, though!

But here is the curious thing. Put it altogether and you have a game that is so bad and mental that it genuinely is absolutely tonnes of fun to play – but only if you take the time to learn it.

The one thing that is correct about the game is presentation. Menus are clear and easy to understand, as is the race mode and it makes learning this utter bonkers of a game easier.

Despite the game being officially called F1 Manager 2001, it begins in 1999, right into the heart of the Ferrari vs McLaren/Michael Schumacher vs Mika Hakkinen rivalry and then very quickly takes a turn towards the land of the ridiculous.

For instance, within one or two or the maximum three seasons both of those world champions are always out of a job. No team preparing to offer them their escalating contract demands – unless you pick them yourself.

But once you realise all you need is Adrian Newey, another key designer and Mercedes engines, you are pretty much set for a world championship challenge with any driver combo – maybe even Red Bull-esque domination.

Damon Hill at Minardi going for the world title?

That goes even if you pick everyone’s favourite plucky underdogs from back in the day Minardi – who in my save have a 43-year-old Damon Hill alongside Nick Heidfeld and are dominating the 2003 championship with a share of the 64 points after five races in the constructors’ championship (10 points for a win remember).

The nearest challenger to either is from Ferrari, who have of course ditched Ferrari engines for rebadged Renaults called Supertec and sacked Michael Schumacher and replaced him with his brother Ralf. What a world!

By 2003, gone are the Marlboro liveries too. Commercial manager Stefano Domenicali (yes, the current F1 president!) choosing instead to sign up Benson & Hedges (Buzzin Hornets in game) from Jordan as well as Benetton Sports Systems from Benetton. It’s just a flavour of how random the game can get.

Signing drivers is incredibly easy. How easy? Well, accept Michael Schumacher’s demands on day one at Minardi and he is yours for the year 2000. Want to retain him? Just keep agreeing to his demands. Rinse and repeat for all other contract dealings.

Carnage on and off the track

Elsewhere, it’s a total mess. There is only dry racing, test drivers are literally pointless to the point I stopped signing them, the steering wheels do not move in the cockpit, there are no crashes, and the race wheels look like 50p pieces as if the drivers have flat spotted every ten seconds.

The field spread is wild. You can have a 13-second gap between the front and back in qualifying and that’s not even unusual. Then there is the race game engine…

Drivers are incredibly dumb. A driver struggling for tyre wear can start limping around the racetrack at safety car pace and yet your driver still can’t find his way past. Unless of course you do the one simple trick. Accelerate time. This takes you to a screen showing the current standings and ignores the game’s race engine completely.

Once this is activated to do a lap every second, your driver (if he is fastest) can start last and be up to first by the end of lap five – maybe quicker. Who needs qualifying?

Teams running out of engines

The AI also collapses late in the season. Arrows always burn through their engine allocation by the Italian Grand Prix, to the point that every race starts with them having a double DNF at the first corner. Quite how they make their dead engines last as long as that is a question in itself, but other teams soon follow.

But even before this it’s not rare to see a race finish with just five cars. In a game where only the top six score points this is vital if you are starting with Minardi or someone like Arrows.

There is random commentary from former ITV F1 presenter Jim Rosenthal, but he offers little outside of naming the drivers (albeit with admittedly great delivery) and when a driver exits the race “SPIN! SPIN! SPIN!”.

Wrong type of crashes

Speaking of crashing, the game is notorious for it. I’ve stopped clicking anything once a driver enters or starts leaving the pitlane as I find it can often just closes the game and leaves you staring at your desktop screen wondering what on earth just happened.

Although the game is easy once you learn its weird ways, you can make it hard and a challenge. Trying to get Arrows to finish a targeted sixth in the first season can prove tricky and ignoring the exploits the game offers also makes this easy to pick up and play and have fun with it – and that’s all you need in a game.

With Hill and Heidfeld now battling for the world championship, I’m already getting my axe ready for who is going to make way for Jean Alesi’s long overdue 2004 title charge next season. Long live this shambles of a game that has given me hours of entertainment over many years.

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