23-ish things I did this weekend that were less stupid than the Monaco Grand Prix

Kim K smiling in the crowd beneath Monaco podium next to Ferrari team members — Photo: © IMAGO

Monaco Grand Prix

23-ish things I did this weekend that were less stupid than the Monaco Grand Prix

Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos

Chris Deeley

Tuesday 9 June 2026 18:57

The Monaco Grand Prix is a stupid event. 22 massive F1 cars picking their way through the streets of a tiny little tax haven might well be the most symbolically resonant version of the sport, but as a racing spectacle it’s actively ridiculous.

Unless you enjoy spectacles like ‘a driver deliberately knocking four seconds a lap off his pace so his teammate can get away, because overtaking is impossible’, and ‘that same thing as before, but these cars are blue instead of red’, Monaco is a viewing experience which essentially consists of watching absolutely nothing happen, hoping for something to go catastrophically wrong.

There were two new contenders for that weird catastrophe this weekend: the road surface breaking apart and causing a red flag, and the pitlane shape being so funky that multiple drivers who stayed below 60km/h got penalised for speeding anyway. That is to say, the whole race is a child’s tea party which occasionally – but not always – gets briefly interrupted when a feral cat runs in and knocks all the cups off the table. And all the cups cost €20m. And a prince is there.

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Fortunately, we don’t need to explain much further why the Monaco Grand Prix is stupid, because it does that itself (with the aid of F1 saying things like ‘uhh, mandatory two stops?’ every couple of years).

What we’re going to do today is try and triangular just how stupid it is, by running through a list of things that we (I) did this weekend that were less stupid.

F1 RESULTS: Monaco GP race times and positions

Vacuumed the house between laps 5 and 35.
Watched six innings of a baseball game from a decade ago and took notes to talk about on a podcast.
Tried to put bat wings on a cat.
Subsequently tried to pet that quite excitable cat’s stomach.
Put actual salt in the resulting wounds when sorting out dinner.
Floated the idea of wearing lifts to a close friend’s wedding to be taller than the groom, for the amusement of maybe one person.
Pivoted to ‘what about on the stag do?’
Thought ‘ah, surely now Carson Hocevar has stopped crashing into people’.
Tried to do a handstand.
Pitched the concept of this piece.
Laughed at Lance Stroll for managing to get a track limits penalty at a circuit which is about 90% barriers.

While searching for images to put here, I found out that Explosievenhond is the Dutch word for a bomb-sniffing dog, and also that the GPFans image bank has a shot of Adrian Newey in Monaco tagged ‘slay’. This picture is unrelated

A brief aside to address the critics...

There is one thing I did this weekend which was more stupid than the Monaco Grand Prix. I tweeted about it.

This was shortly before the safety car and red flag.

It'd be a real shame to lose the history, but Monaco is just not fit to be an F1 track now. Find some way to keep it on the calendar if you want, throw a funky formatted All-Star Race there or something, but this is just an annual farce.
— Chris Deeley (@ThatChris1209) June 7, 2026

Since I lack the boundless time and energy to reply to everyone individually, this will be a space to respond to some of the more interesting responses.

‘It won’t change’ – Thank you, astute internet user.

‘The cars are too big!’ – Yes.

‘They should have a second, smaller car for the street circuits’ – This would be legitimately fantastic. I can’t snark about this. Well done.

‘They should cancel the race and have a double-header in Montreal’ – Hello Canadian fan!

‘Quarter of the grid not finishing mixes up the standings in a way that no other track does!’ – Your brain should be studied for science. We are not giving Monaco credit for multiple engine failures. Also, this race had more classified finishers than the Chinese Grand Prix!

‘You are American’ – Profoundly incorrect, and rude.

‘Why not complain about races like Vegas too?’ – Brother, do I have the piece for you!

Cultural Marxism flows in F1 – what.

Thank net zero climate zealots for ruining F1 – Okay, time to wrap this up.

Twitter Corner will return if something else happens, unless I forget or can’t be bothered.

Right, where were we?

Got into an extended argument with a friend who claimed that recommending she put a slice of lemon in a cup of Earl Grey rather than milk was ‘forcing her to do food science’.
Listened to the Jim Steinman album ‘Bad For Good’ for about four hours and did the ‘Love and Death and an American Guitar’ spoken word bit around the house for...as long as ‘now’ is.
IIIIIIII REMEMBER EVERYTHING. I REMEMBER every little thing as if it happened only yesterday. I was barely 17 and I once killed a boy with a Fender guitar. I don’t remember if it was a Telecaste——right, that’s enough of that.
You know he originally wrote that for Meat Loaf? Class.
Received a 3am phone call from a former colleague absolutely off his face at a club in the Canaries, who wanted to shout at me about the New York Knicks.
Answered that phone call.
Accidentally hoovered up my cat’s legs. Does anyone know how long they take to grow back? She hates it. She’s like a fluffy worm with a big stupid head. Get hoovered idiot.
Watched a NASCAR Euro Series race from Brands Hatch.
Wondered what would happen if I put Red Stripe in the cat’s water bowl instead of water.
Walked into town to buy some ice lollies, realised I’d forgotten my wallet, walked 20 minutes up the hill back to the house, remembered that Apple Pay exists and means I didn’t actually need my wallet.
Didn’t get ice lollies.
Watched Monaco Grand Prix qualifying; the only good part of the Monaco Grand Prix.

Is there a lesson to be learned in all this? Was there a point, buried somewhere in what you just worked your way through? Was this all one single point – that the Monaco Grand Prix is stupid – dressed up in 900 words of extraneous nonsense?

Hang on...the important thing being decided at the very start...lots of nonsense and waffle to fill space after that...a baffling pause in the middle for a stupid reason...people are legitimately asking why it still keeps being allowed back...

Sure. I’ve just decided that this whole thing was a metaphor for the Monaco Grand Prix. That’s a good enough kicker for today.

See you next Monday after Barcelona.

F1 HEADLINES: Brundle snubbed by Kim Kardashian as Monaco GP descends into farce

F1 Monaco Grand Prix